Reaching Back

I believe

I believe in many things

Of this world

And beyond

I believe we linger

We linger if there is work left undone

If there are hearts yet to touch

Messages undelivered

Our soul speaks

After our flesh has passed

It speaks to those who are willing

To hear

To heed

To listen

To understand

To weep

To smile

To grieve

I believe some souls reach back

From ABOVE and beyond

Death

Messengers to the living

They are perfect once again

They guide

In dreams and memories

Of the past

And things yet to come

I believe there is a time

A time those who have passed

Reach back and touch the living

To guide and console

To push and cajole

Sometimes no more than a moment

Sometimes days after

And yet sometimes

They are with us for weeks or months

After they are gone from this world

But they DO reach back

To finish the business of their heart

So…..

Be open when they reach for you

It is out of love they defy death

If only for a moment

They reach….

For You

Learning to Walk

Someone very dear to me is going through a difficult time right now

She is a Rock Star in my eyes

One of the most amazing people I’ve ever known

She is learning to “Walk” on her own again

It isn’t easy and it will take effort

She will stumble and possibly fall

but she’s strong in her current fragile state

Heaviness is difficult for me (not that it’s about me)

I feel a need to lighten the moment with silliness

and frivolity

So, my dear….

With all that you are going through

know that I’m here

and remember

in order to walk

Put one foot in front of the other…..(come on, you know the words)

Photo: Winter Warlock / Rankin-Bass – Santa Claus is coming to Town  (1970)

Juxtapositional Conundrum (Forgetting)

Sometimes I wish I could make it stop, and forget.

But it turns out, the act of trying to forget

is just another way of remembering

all the reasons I don’t want to forget you.

Hate Me

 

Thanks to bruisedbelly for helping me to post a song. (I’m a dork in a lot of ways, but her coolness prevailed)

In addition, she reminded me about THIS song.  It really captures the way I am starting to feel.

That maybe it’s good the woman I hurt for so long hates me in some way in order to find what is truly good for her.

Remembering all tears she cried believing I was “the one” for so long, I can’t say “I’m sorry” near enough.

Breakfast With Sweetie

She would order blueberry pancakes

just to pick out the blueberries

OR

She would order eggs and bacon

only to pick at the eggs and eat the bacon

AND

She was disgusted by the old man

that hacked and gagged a few booths away

BUT

She always put her hand on my leg

and warmed my soul with her smile

Her…..

Photo: Google Images (Alicia Witt)

This is NOT “her”, but……

damn if Alicia Witt doesn’t look like HER.

Add a few hot-ass tattoos and BAM, it’s her.

FUCK ME!!!  I was flipping through channels and my heart stopped.  The actress (Alicia Witt) looked just like HER. I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen and it was the fucking Hallmark Channel too!!   Yep, I watched an entire program on the damn Hallmark Channel just because the lead actress looked like her.  I didn’t care about dialogue, plot, etc.  Only that for a few moments I could “see her” again.   Funny how the heart works.

When I said……

 

When I said….

That you would be the one to leave

That I’m not a Knight in Shining Armor

That you would find someone better

That you would want someone more than you did me

That you would love someone more than you did me

That you would be truly happy

That I hoped for all these things for you

That it would hurt this badly to lose you

That you are, and always were Worth it

That you are not just a place to put it

That I would miss you so damn much

That I would think of you every day, EVERY DAY

That I would feel you in music

That embers of you would haunt and burn me still

That I would order (and not eat) an Olive burger just to imagine you enjoying it across from me

That I would miss your jaw popping as you chewed

That I would finally cry – for you

 

You didn’t believe me then.

Do you believe me now?

 

 

** Please no comments on the Jensen Ackles pic (Ooops, sorry T – Dean Winchester pic.  Hahaha)  It’s and inside thing (in case she ever reads this) that might cause her to call me a fucker under her breath, but still she’ll still smile.  Technically the entire piece is an inside thing, in addition to being cathartic in some degree for me.  Some days are more difficult than others and this weekend was ponderous.  Knowing she’s forgotten provides some degree of comfort because it means she is happy.  It also means I wasn’t as important in her life as she believed me to be.  She is blessed with object constancy issues and I am not a constant.  The fact is, I was blessed to be given what she gave of herself for as long as she could. She is perfect.  Damn, this turned into it’s own little sub-post.  LOL    Oh well, my blog my fucking rules.