Corporate Rant

I don’t know about you, but I can’t take any more of the pseudo-intellectual corporate jargon being used these days.  It makes me want to puke.  If I hear one more “Kid” fresh out of college use the word Dialog in place of Talk, I am going to throat punch him.  I am debating the idea of carrying a horn into meetings and if I hear Synergy or Cross Functional let loose on the horn.  It seems to me that “World Class” and “Best Practice” rarely are.  They are typically an asinine and inane idea some douchebag copied from another douchebag because he/she thought it would make him/her look smart.  So I made up a fun little Mission Statement to make me smile. Take a deep breath before reading because it is quite a run-on sentence by design.  Enjoy.

MISSION STATEMENT:

“(The Company) will collaborate with the various cross functional corporate entities to create a synergistic strategy that encourages dialog across multiple disciplines and business units while leveraging our assets to capitalize on the combined efforts of divisional and regional champions to instill ownership among all corporate levels thereby enabling individual empowerment while sustaining diversity to foster a multi-level stratagem resulting in World Class customer service while maintaining our position as a global Best Environment workplace.”  

 

Update:  After reading several comments below (please check them out) I need to add a few more, but they are not “Mission Statement” type words or phrases.  Please feel free to comment and add your own.   “High Level Overview”,  “50,000 Foot View” & “Go Live Date”.

 

FUCKITALLTOHELLANYWAY!!

Sponge-job

FUCKITALLTOHELLANYWAY!!

Things change

Usually for the better

Right?

No, seriously…..

RIGHT?!!!

And if they don’t……

FUCKITALLTOHELLANYWAY!!

 

PS: There is always a silver lining and she makes me smile.

So….. FUCKITALLTOHELLANYWAY!!

Batman Smile

 

A good “Fuck You!”

Flip off

I have only seen two GOOD ways
to be told, “fuck you!”
Bruisedbelly has one on her site
(Which I love reading)
and this one

As men, we will always take offense
to hearing “Fuck you!”
but if presented properly
you can get your point across
and leave an indelible mark in our mind

Just an opinion
From one Man to all Women

Please don’t regard this as sexist
as I am sure there are many ways
you as women could suggest we men
communicate better with you

Yes?????
Comments are quite welcome. 🙂

PS: If I knew how to frigging link to bb’s site I would have, but I’m a doorknob about that stuff. Alas, I am 100% confident she will be able to show you the way to her site in a comment at her first convenience. 🙂

Just Me. If it means anything at all…..

So…… here’s the deal. This post is not poetry or anything “artistic”. There is nothing artistic about me. It’s just the ME that a random compilation of words can capture. They that don’t rhyme or follow any particular pattern other than what is in my head. If you enjoy my attempts at poetry, please consider this an early apology, but who knows you might actually end up liking this. 

A middle aged man (47)
And still don’t feel it
In better shape for sure
Than most the “boys” half my age

Body flab I disdain
Far from a health nut
Butter, salt & bacon
I love them all

Pet peeves generations old
Chomping food, bad manners
Disrespecting women
Piss me right the fuck off!!!

I love to touch a woman’s skin so fine
Her soft warm stomach and…
Small of back
All so perfect & divine

Run my fingers through
“Her” hair
And my hands over her body
Makes me feel alive.

A woman’s head upon my chest
Her hand caressing me
As I stroke her hair & neck
Such is heaven

I’d rather give
Than to receive
Especially
In bed

Getting head
Is fine, I guess
But I’d prefer to kill 3hrs
Between your legs

Generous to a fault
With my treasure
And my time
Yet pinch my pennies I do

Give the shirt right off my back
And heart straight from my chest
All you have to do is ASK
But won’t tolerate being TOLD!!

I love to iron clothes
And hand-wash dishes
Women’s work you say?
Fuck you, ass-hole!!!

It gives me pleasure
Making things
Wrinkle free
And new

My favorite color: Green
Don’t ask me why
It is what it is
And I don’t question it

To the world I’m tame as hell (Yes, bb that’s for you)
Business-like for sure
But more than once I’ll make you cum
For that there is no cure

Only one woman has seen
The REAL me
And she embraced it
Much to my dismay

That which felt so
Wrong to me
Felt like home
To she

Handy with my hands
Handy with my tongue
Handy with my body,
But most of all….
Handy with my heart & soul.

*** And he said in an angry voice, “Enough about me. I hate this subject.”