Roads & Fences

Roads & Fences

Life is a series of roads and fences

the roads we chose can take us to new places

and they can take us home

They can lead us to new experiences

and bring back memories

They can guide us to a new friend or lover

and yet be a lonely desolate place

Fences can hold us in

and keep us out

They provide protection for those we love

and discourage those we’ve yet to meet

They can be beautiful works of art

or ugly reminders of pain and evil

There are many roads and fences between us

miles and miles of concrete, stone and mud

section after section of chain link, split rail and fieldstone

But sometimes

for some souls

Roads are more than a path

fences are not just a barrier

Because for me

All roads lead to you

and fences are simply a place to rest along the way

It Was You

It was you

Last night I dreamt of you

My mind reached out to touch you

My eyes were full of you and only you

I was smiling and I was happy

Blissfully happy


It felt surreal and beautiful and wonderful

My nose was filled with your scent

My arms were full of your body

Our spirits were as one

It was perfect



you were there

you were there with me

and I was with you


But something changed

my consciousness changed

I became aware of a stark reality


I was dead

I had died in my sleep while dreaming of you


Was this to be my eternity?

Would this feeling be my Heaven?

I wept with joy at the thought


You had consumed my consciousness in the living world

and now you would be my consciousness in the after world

I was content


But it was not to be

I felt a strange tug at my arm and heard a voice in my head

“Are you okay, are you okay?”

“What happened?  Oh my god!! Are you okay?”


My eyes opened to panic stricken faces


I had fainted and fallen in a heap on the floor

incoherent on the cold tile

was it a dream or had I actually passed away

if only for a brief moment

I believe I had

and in that moment

my soul was grasping for something precious

for something perfect

it was grasping for you

it was you


Every Day I Think of You (Still)

Every Day

Every day

Every day I think about you, still

Randomly coming to mind

and I smile

Time passes and days drift by

as you float in and out of my consciousness

there is always a sense of you

I hope you are happy

I pray that you are

You deserve real, true happiness

11 years today

and I can’t even call or e-mail to say “Congrats!”

Your threat, or was it a promise,

No, it was a threat….

is etched in my mind

But beyond the threat, I respect your wishes

I respect YOU

55 days from today is your birthday

Your 30th

I wish I could at least say “Happy B-Day”

That you didn’t say it to me is irrelevant

I feel no animosity toward you

You are still You to me

and I hate what I am to you

So if you ever read this,

know that I think of you still

You dance in my mind like a dream

Melancholy mixed with joy

Sadness mixed with elation

Good mixed with bad

I feel older somehow

weather beaten and grey

the void left by my failure

will never be filled because I don’t want it to be

it is my penance, my burden, my yoke, my crucifix

Every day I think of you, still

and I smile


It Starts 1.1 Used

My lips on your stomach

tasting the salt of your skin

feeling myself swell with anticipation

hands exploring every inch

until I reach your wetness

sweet and warm on my finger

I taste you

kissing below your belly button

unsaid words resonate and echo in my head

your voice booms

I want

NO, I NEED your mouth……