I am Me (again)

Sleeping lion

I am the me that once was

The me I believe you once loved

The me I believe you once respected

Before I lost control

Control I never lose

But I did, because I lost You

I should never have shown you my weakness

The weakness you begged to see

The weakness I should have kept hidden from you

I knew better than to show it

So I trusted you to hold it

But you advertised it to the world

That is what hurts the most

All your demons I held

I still hold, privately, securely, safely and always will

They are safe with me

If only the opposite were true

But it isn’t, so….

These days I sit in reflective silence

Softly pondering the “what if’s” and “why’s” of it all

But the thoughts do not haunt me anymore

I am once again in control

I am ME once more

Stoic and poised as I should be

But the genie is out of your heart’s bottle

And you are not the type to forget

Or forgive

In the quiet moments of solitude

In the songs on the radio

And the constant melody in my head

You will forever dance

I found myself because of you

I lost myself because of you

I lost my mind for you

I regained control for my sanity

And now I can rest peacefully

Love always

The Number

The Number

I saw the number on my phone
and it took me by surprise
not quite sure what to do
could not believe my eyes

So many months have passed
not easy to remember
3 before the 4, or not
it was way back in December

A pressure building in my chest
three digits (hyphen) four
reply or not my thought
meh, maybe just once more

It’s not so easy, so I find
she hurts me once in a while
but with perspective it’s okay
then I sit and smile

So we still bicker here and there
kick and punch, poke and jab
perpetually remembering to forget
all good things we once had

Deny the past in self-preservation
create an alternate narrative
something so it all makes sense
compartmentalizing is imperative

It was good to see your number again…..