The Past…..

She visited my dream last night

unexpected and unnerving

A haunting visage of the past

After more than two years

Does she still hate me?

I am poison to her happiness

Maybe she was a dream from the start

it almost feels like it now

Yet she still makes me smile,

if only in memories and dreams

and I miss her

Feel Without Feelings

A Duet by: nottooold2 & Dana

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I wish I could still feel

Your touch on my skin

Your lips on my lips

The joy of holding you close

I wish I could forget

The tears of our regret

When my kisses faded

Leaving your needs unmet

I wish I could still feel

The warmth of your body

The happiness you shared

Your breath on my neck

I wish I could forget

My whispered denial

Of promises never meant

As we lay together, spent

I wish I could still feel

The tingle of your fingers through my hair

Aimlessly drifting and twirling

As we drive with no destination in mind

I wish I could forget

All your dangerous curves

I failed to navigate safely

The dead-ends filled with sirens

I wish I could still feel

The ocean breeze on our skin

As we lay naked on the beach

Under the moon and stars

I wish I could forget

the sandy abrasions on my knees

as I pleaded for another chance

to silence your saline good-bye

I wish, above all, I could still feel

Feel everything we were back then

The good and bad, the highs and lows

Feel everything without the all-consuming feelings

(I wish I could forget there was an end at all)

***I would like to thank Dana for helping to flesh this idea out.

Sometimes an off-hand comment can turn into something more.

Wondering, I am

thinking

So

 I heard, and here I sit

wondering

Will you contact me

Now that he’s gone

Your promise gone along with him

 Wait, did you make that promise to him

Or did you make it to yourself

 I guess THAT is the real question, isn’t it

And the answer is, Yes

 I know very little anymore

Far less than I once thought I knew

 Yet I know this

It would be nice to talk with you again

About nothing in particular

Simply shoot the breeze

 Is that even possible after everything

Probably not

 But I had to ask

Knowing an answer will never come

I’m just talking to myself, Again…….

Her Ring (Rose Quartz)

Rose Quartz

Given to her for strength

For balance

For peace

For love

My unconditional love, always

To help her love herself

Which I so desperately desired for her

And she so desperately needed

Custom designed specifically for her

Designed to calm her heart and mind

One of a kind for a one of a kind

Perfection on perfection

Once her source of comfort when we were apart

Now a source of pain and regret

Sadness

Hidden in a dark box, alone

Waiting for her to see the truth

Though we were not meant to be

It’s meaning remains

Some day, in a quiet moment of solitude

She will slip it on her dainty finger again

Smile and remember

Unconditional Love

My lasting love for her

Her ring

Hate Me

 

Thanks to bruisedbelly for helping me to post a song. (I’m a dork in a lot of ways, but her coolness prevailed)

In addition, she reminded me about THIS song.  It really captures the way I am starting to feel.

That maybe it’s good the woman I hurt for so long hates me in some way in order to find what is truly good for her.

Remembering all tears she cried believing I was “the one” for so long, I can’t say “I’m sorry” near enough.

Breakfast With Sweetie

Blueberry Pancakes

She would order blueberry pancakes

just to pick out the blueberries

OR

She would order eggs and bacon

only to pick at the eggs and eat the bacon

AND

She was disgusted by the old man

that hacked and gagged a few booths away

BUT

She always put her hand on my leg

and warmed my soul with her smile

Her…..

Her

Photo: Google Images (Alicia Witt)

This is NOT “her”, but……

damn if Alicia Witt doesn’t look like HER.

Add a few hot-ass tattoos and BAM, it’s her.

FUCK ME!!!  I was flipping through channels and my heart stopped.  The actress (Alicia Witt) looked just like HER. I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen and it was the fucking Hallmark Channel too!!   Yep, I watched an entire program on the damn Hallmark Channel just because the lead actress looked like her.  I didn’t care about dialogue, plot, etc.  Only that for a few moments I could “see her” again.   Funny how the heart works.