Corporate Rant

I don’t know about you, but I can’t take any more of the pseudo-intellectual corporate jargon being used these days.  It makes me want to puke.  If I hear one more “Kid” fresh out of college use the word Dialog in place of Talk, I am going to throat punch him.  I am debating the idea of carrying a horn into meetings and if I hear Synergy or Cross Functional let loose on the horn.  It seems to me that “World Class” and “Best Practice” rarely are.  They are typically an asinine and inane idea some douchebag copied from another douchebag because he/she thought it would make him/her look smart.  So I made up a fun little Mission Statement to make me smile. Take a deep breath before reading because it is quite a run-on sentence by design.  Enjoy.

MISSION STATEMENT:

“(The Company) will collaborate with the various cross functional corporate entities to create a synergistic strategy that encourages dialog across multiple disciplines and business units while leveraging our assets to capitalize on the combined efforts of divisional and regional champions to instill ownership among all corporate levels thereby enabling individual empowerment while sustaining diversity to foster a multi-level stratagem resulting in World Class customer service while maintaining our position as a global Best Environment workplace.”  

 

Update:  After reading several comments below (please check them out) I need to add a few more, but they are not “Mission Statement” type words or phrases.  Please feel free to comment and add your own.   “High Level Overview”,  “50,000 Foot View” & “Go Live Date”.